Thursday, February 19, 2009

A heart full of tears









I haven't written in awhile. So much has happened. This has been a year full of agony for myself along with my family. It began with the family pet chihuahua Mia. We have had Mia for 16 years and she passed away on Dec.22,2008. On Jan.04,2009 my Father passed away and if that wasn't enough on February 10,2009 my eldest Brother Robin passed away. It has been so much for us all to handle. As you can read in my earlier posts, I began my diet just before the loss of my Father. With the recent loss of my Brother my appetite has been out of control. It's not a matter of just wanting to eat, I feel like I have not eaten in months. The Doctor gave us some papers on the things we feel when we are grieving and I am feeling just about everything on the list! I need to get a hold of my emotions and my eating and get back on with my plans.The best thing is that I do not feel guilty for eating. I think this is all part of a healing process. Life is unpredictable and though I may never know why my family and I had to have so much grief in such a short period of time, the one thing I do know is that the loved ones that have passed on would not want me to stop living. They would want me to pick myself up, dry my tears and continue on with my plans. This is what I have to do. I know it will be along time before my heart feels whole again but in the meantime I need to carry on and push forward.

8 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry to hear about the losses your family has experienced recently.

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  2. I'm so sorry about your losses. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  3. You will be whole again my friend. You have angels surrounding you still. They walk with you every day. And in me, you have a best friend. I walk with you too. My heart goes out to you, and with my friendship, I offer you a piece of my own heart to help fill yours. Be well my friend.

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  4. So sorry about your losses. I know how you feel about the eating thing. After my son was diagnosed with autism I started eating every thing in sight. Now I'm on a quest to lose weight. Thanks for joining my blog! Starting this week I am putting up a segment about my weight loss journey. I could use the support!!I need to lose 100 pounds at least!!

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  5. Wow, so much loss in such a short time. Even one is hard to deal with. I can't imagine how you're dealing with 3. I have no idea how you're feeling but I'm thinking of you.

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  6. Thank you. It has been difficult. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your son. I use to run a daycare out of my home and I took care of three boys with Classic Autism ages 3,5 and 9. One of the things that I learned is that children with Autism are very smart. People do not give them the credit that they deserve. They can grow up to live very happy and normal lives. I think the most important thing to me was not to treat the children differrent than any of the other children. Ofcourse they needed special attention but treating them as if they were not labeled with Autism. This helped my kids alot. Their Doctors and Parents were impressed with the improvements they showed while in my care. I hope that this helps and if you need to talk I am here.

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  7. Hi Hkins-
    Thank you so much for thinking of me. Believe me I can feel everyone around me I feel very comforted. Thank you! It has been tough but I feel comforted by the fact that I was able to tell my Father and my Brother that I loved them and have them tell me back was a blessing. I was doing well after my Fathers death but my Brothers was very differrent because the Doctors told us he was going to die at any time but they did not know when but the signs were that it was close so my Mother, Sister and another Brother and myself stayed in the hospital with the ill Brother for 9 days we never left we sat by his bed side all day every day. I was sleeping only about an hour or two a day and by his bed in a chair! At that time I was not thinking about what it was doing to me mentally or physically but looing back on it now I don't know how I did it. He passed away on February 10th and just this week I am for the first time able to sleep without nightmares and I have not had an anxiety attack for three days and I hope not to have one ever again! Thanks for caring it means alot. :)

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  8. Thank you everyone for caring it means alot to me! :)

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